An Uncivilised Fable

These are the writings and observations of a Behavioral scientists studying and attempting to civilise a Chimpanzee. Each experiment uses a game and offers the chimp the chance to learn through the virtual platform  and get a general understanding of his behaviour and the species. “Project Uncivil Chimp”

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Experiment No.1 – Fable

Observations

Today I observed the Uncivilised Chimp play Fable, we both agreed that his hero should be an enforcer of good and righteous throughout. but it  soon became clear that evil deeds were far more attractive and entertaining to him. At the very start of his hero training he beat the crap out of Whisper (the heroine training with you) and repeated the test so he could do it again, during these beatings my research notes say ‘ Facial expression reflects a happy child going to the zoo, whilst his under the breath mutterings suggest certain influences from his recreational reading material “Mein Kampf”.

After graduating from the Heroes’ Guild and completing a few quests the chimp took his hero to Bowerstone south to spend his gold, but the city guards are not stupid and demanded his weapons. Due to the chimps paranoia he refused to part with his obsidian mace which he has developed an unhealthy relationship with and regularly refers to as the ‘Widow maker’.  He then trekked to Oakvale via The Darkforest and on arrival headed straight to the tavern to purchase some alcoholic beverages. knowing about the chimps drinking problems i assumed he would be drinking alone but he invited the two shop owners to follow him to the beach for beverages. They all got lathered together and the chundering began, the chimps plan was to go back to the unsupervised shops and rob them.

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UntitledUnfortunately one of the owners vomited on the chimp’s hero which through his eyes was a challenge to fisty-cuffs. Being the uncivilised chimp that he is the rules of fisty-cuffs mean nothing to him and the ‘Widow maker’ smashed the poor bastards face in. The other owner squealed and ran about 10 metres before a crossbow bolt exploded his head. The chimps laughter and grin were clear indicators  that he enjoyed slaughtering the rest of the towns people especially when they shut their house doors on him and he got to break them down and slowly kill everyone inside with the lightning spell.

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Conclusion

The chimps lack of ability to maintain an inspiring  ,courageous hero clearly reveals his consciousness is either ignored or non-existent. The experiment has placed him in an environment where his sadistic side has thrived and shows his incapability of budgeting money, this showed after not being able to afford a new crossbow due to his heroes’ binge drinking and resulted in several chickens being kicked into a river. Next experiment will look at his decision with ‘the Force’ and his choice between Jedi and Sith.

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(Note to Lab assistant team: Please double lock the chimps cage tonight, also no alcohol during dinner this may result in him screaming profanities all evening)

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